Then It All Fades

It feels like pieces

A memory of something

And then I don’t know where I am

A vision

And then a dream

And a mixture of grocery list

Or house chores

On one sense it can be described as chaotic

All over the place

But it is also very subtle

And barely there

Organized chaos

Yet also manipulating the movement

The direction of the thoughts

The distraction of the mind

Do I live there

Or do I live here

Sometimes I wonder

But I also let the wonder fade

It fades

Why

I don’t know why

I don’t desire to truly know

Though I do find myself curious

What is this ?

But I’m not really looking

Because I know what’s behind the looking

And I know there is nothing there to find

It feels natural

Quiet

Do I dare to say peaceful?

I can’t follow it

It feels like pieces

Pages of a book

Torn out and put together in a different way

It’s a dream

A vision

A memory

I don’t know when

I don’t know which one

I trust it

Even though I’m blind

I am asleep

Walking in a dream

Imagining a vision

Replaying a memory

It’s ok

It’s all ok

It always was

I get the sense that I’m not going anywhere

When did I begin

When will I end

Sometimes I wonder

But then it all fades

Is it a personality ?

Is there actually a person ?

I don’t know why

I don’t know when

I write down notes

So I remember

The notes keep it going

I can’t keep it going

Am I the sticky side ?

Or the side with words ?

It feels subtle

Even when it’s loud

I don’t question

I don’t know why

I don’t know what to say

But then I feel it

The words coming alive

I don’t have preference

I don’t know where I stand

Sometime I wonder

From where am I looking?

But then

It’s like a chalk board

With an automatic eraser

It erases before I can read the text

I feel like a animal

Roaming its natural environment

Eating when the food is there

Sleeping when the sun comes up

It feels backward or upside down

But then I see that I’m not sure which side is up and which side is down

The patterns are all scattered

It feels like pieces

Yet somehow I don’t feel broken

The view changes

Rearranging and dissolved into the distance

I can’t catch it

Nor do I want to

I have no desire to hold it or let it go

It’s just happening

Whatever’s happening

I feel neutral

Yet I deeply care

A memory of something

And then I don’t know where I am

A vision

I wonder

But then it all fades

Written: April 25, 2020

copyright: Violet Synergy